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Motherhood, Parenting

Attention all new mums: you’ve been LIED to!

Olivia White by Olivia White
February 20th, 2017
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“I’m gonna have a lovely natural birth drug free, I am gonna breastfeed the shit out my baby, meet my GF’s for bulk coffee dates and look fabulous while I’m on Maternity leave – Motherhood will just come so naturally” – Me pre baby!

Well didn’t I get a nice lovely slap in the face from reality once that big headed babe was ripped violently from my abdomen!

How it really went… three in the morning, after 56 hours of failed labour and an emergency Caesarean! I was in a haze, I had no idea what was going on, I still hadn’t even really realised what just happened and I absolutely had no effing idea what I was doing…

What the hell just happened?

What the hell just happened?

This one’s for all you mama’s and mama-to-be’s craving a hot coffee, feeling overwhelmed, feeling lost, freakin’ out, feeling alone or feeling like everyone else is getting it and you’re the odd one out!

Today, I’m busting six total BS misconceptions about motherhood! *Little spoiler, actually you’re not alone!

It will all come so naturally!

Nope! Soz love it doesn’t! You will literally get home from the hospital and gaze into your baby’s eyes and go “So what the fuck do I do now?”. I’m pretty sure your baby does too?! When a midwife is shoving your nipple in their face, claiming “the baby knows what to do” I’m almost certain the kids lying there going “lady why you shoving this thing at me?”. No one’s got any clue!

You will literally get home from the hospital and gaze into your baby’s eyes and go “So what the fuck do I do now?

It’s all coffee dates and shopping!

Hahahahahahahaha HA HA that’s a hilarious joke! To anyone who thinks it’s all cappuccinos and Kmart, you are sadly mistaken! I think it actually takes me about seven months to successfully catch up with someone, and even then we both leave early with screaming child(ren) in tow vowing never to set foot in a cafe again. Between trying to line up children’s nap times and not actually wanting to take your toddler to a public place, this is one big fat urban myth.

YOUR COFFEE DATES WILL NOT LOOK LIKE THIS. THE KID WILL BE SCREAMING I PROMISE.

In real life the kid will be screaming I promise.

You are “just” a mum!

This one really shits me! It’s as if once you become ‘mum’ people forget anything else. And should you god forbid try to retain some sense of identity, albeit go back to work or have dreams and aspirations, then you’re labelled selfish? I don’t think so mate!

There is a right and wrong way!

Well if there is a right way I think I missed the memo?! A multi-billion dollar industry has been built on publishing books and articles that tell you exactly how to parent! Because babies and children are so textbook and all the same! *That was sarcasm for anyone not following along at home*

That you will always like your kids!

Tell me this, if an adult came into your home and woke you up every hour of the night, only to then spend the entire day throwing things at you, screaming at you and telling you that your cooking is ‘yukky’ and not once ever letting you pee alone – would you like them?

I mean yes I know, they’re only kids, they don’t mean it, they don’t know any better – blaa blaa blaa! But you can love the shit out of your kids and not ‘like’ them at the same time!

I love you kids really...

I love you kids really…

You will be able to do it all!

Look, I’m sure there is some mum out there who does! But for the majority of us it will feel as if one or more balls will always on the floor! And while some of us might try project that we do ‘have it together’ – we don’t! AND THAT’S ABSOLUTELY NORMAL! Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you a bad mother – It makes you human!

What misconceptions did you have about motherhood?

This was originally published at houseofwhite.com.au here

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