If I had a dollar for how many times I’d been asked in the last six months when I was going to push out baby number two, I’d be a rich woman. I have a 18 month old babe who rocks my world, and for now, she’s keeping me busy enough. But, it’s definitely got me thinking about what’s to come, and there is something I’m wrestling with…
You see, I had trouble falling pregnant with my daughter, Edie, and we went down the IVF path. My body didn’t want to play ball, more specifically, my ovaries were selfish and didn’t feel the need to ovulate, I also hadn’t had a period for many years. But after having my daughter Edie, all my bits and pieces appear to be working again and I have a period for the first time in ten years. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but it is. She may have given me sleepless nights and worry like nothing else, but she also gave my body parts a good kick in the right direction. What a kid.
I have no idea at this point if I am actually ovulating, but if I am, this means I could fall pregnant naturally, and while that would be somewhat of a miracle and I would be so grateful, here lies my dilemma.
I am lucky enough to still have some eggs on ice from my IVF process with Edie. But these are not just ‘eggs’. Not to me. I may have had eggs removed, but then they were fertilised and put through a process to see if they would last the distance, and once they did, they became embyros. Scientifically, they are called embyros and emotionally that’s exactly what they feel like, my potential babies.
I feel like I would be cheating on these ‘babies’ by trying to have conceive naturally. I know that may sound a little bonkers, but my little girl was once one of those eggs which turned into an embryo. So you can see, it’s hard not to see them as my future children, too. How can I leave them there sitting on the shelf while I go and try for ‘other’ babies?
Then on the other hand, I’d have to be mad to put myself through the gruelling and financially taxing IVF process if I was able to conceive naturally, right? I mean, who would do that , RIGHT? I don’t want to put myself and my family through IVF again if I have a choice. But part of me feels like I should use the embryos I already have, the ones that came along first and have been waiting patiently for years.
Janine Allis and I had a chat about this very topic in our recent Up Close chat;
I know for some people this is a no brainer, if you can conceive naturally then that’s your answer. I am not quite there yet. I’m sure I will be, just not yet.
Which path would you take?