With all the time I had pre-kids my husband and I used to….. hang on, I don’t even remember what I must have done with all that free time and it was only two years ago.
Before little ones come into your life everything is about you and your partner, you’re your own little family of two and only have each other to think about. You can make last minute plans and lay in bed all day together if you chose. It’s often easier to connect ’cause it is only the two of you.
But after you have a child, things change. You don’t mean it to and you promise it won’t, but it does. The focus becomes about the smallest human in the house and their sleeping, eating and bowel movements dominate your conversation.
Relationship Psychologist you may know from Married at First Sight, John Aiken, has today said that we need to put our partners first. That our relationships should be our number one priority, kids second. But hang on – they can put on their own shoes and wipe their own bum so doesn’t our priority need to be the kids?
John says we should all be working on our relationship first, and worrying about kids second, and it makes complete sense. “Kids catch stress. So if a couple is really good, strong and chilled, their kids are chilled,” he said. “Whereas when we are not connecting, when we are resenting each other… then the kids are going to pick up on that and they’re going to play up.”
Some people may not like that, doesn’t worry me, that’s what I do. I think if you get the relationship right, the kids will fall into line.
John says this is how he makes it work with his family. “I always think, ‘I’m going to prioritise my wife over my kids’. Some people may not like that, doesn’t worry me, that’s what I do. I think if you get the relationship right, the kids will fall into line.”
There are definitely times when the sound of ‘mum, Mum, MUM!’ will drown out any other sounds and prevent me from prioritising any thing and any one else over my two year old, but I will definitely try.
Do you prioritise your partner over your kids?