Last night my partner of 13 years Sam, and I had a really honest conversation about how tough relationships can be.
We recently found out someone we know quite well has been having an affair. This man has a young family and his wife was completely blindsided by his infidelity. It got us talking about how people really complicate and fuck up their own lives. Affairs happen when people don’t talk through their problems properly, get bored, disconnect from the relationship and want to escape their reality. It is a gutless escape but still an escape.
Long term relationships go up and down constantly, throw kids into the mix and they are fucking hard. Over the last 13 years I have had times of feeling really in love and connected with Sam and also times when we have been on completely different pages. Feeling in love all the time is just not reality but pushing through the lull is what makes you stronger.
We have two young boys who insist on talking and nagging every waking moment so communicating like adults sometimes gets put on hold for days, even weeks at a time. Sometimes I realise all we have spoken about is the logistics of running the household and it gets dull really quickly.
I’m lucky that Sam is a good communicator. He likes to nut shit out to within an inch of its life and although sometimes it drives me crackers, it has been what helps to keep our relationship on track.
I heard a great tip the other day off a friend of mine who took this piece of relationship gold from her psychologist. It’s a tip on how to keep you connected and feeling in love with your partner. The tip is to kiss for SIX seconds everyday and also cuddle for TWENTY seconds EVERY day. It sound easy enough but in reality holding a kiss for six seconds is a long time. Cuddling for twenty seconds obviously even longer. The reasoning behind this is to prolong the moment beyond a token and routine kiss and hug. It also passes through a comfort zone. It might feel awkward but in the long run it creates a stronger connection which leads to better communication.
Sam and I have started to do this and at the beginning we would make a joke about it, count the seconds and laugh about it. It did feel uncomfortable and at times awkward and not something I wanted to do. But I get the importance behind it and am totally committed to doing this daily. We will see how it goes. Surely we can find 26 second in our day to connect with our parters. Right?
Do you have any tips like this to make relationships stronger?