If there was a survey of 20-something year old women today, “I just want to lose 5kgs” would definitely be one of their most said sentences, up there with “how crap was the end of Series 2 of Girls?!”
Despite hearing my large group of very healthy and fit girlfriends throw both these sentences around like confetti at a large Greek wedding, up until about 6 months ago I was never one to enter into their weight loss conversations. I was most definitely in denial that I was much more than 5 kgs overweight, for me it was more like 25kgs. Looking back, my subconscious thought pattern was something along the lines of, “if I don’t admit it to my skinny friends, maybe they wont notice and maybe I can just keep pretending it doesn’t bother me”. It definitely bothered me.
I was constantly aware of it, without even realising, I would opt out of events where I felt my weight would be noticed. Typical things like beach days and pool parties were an automatic no, but also regular social occasions were a huge internal battle for me. I avoided photos like the plague and had a minor panic attack whenever I was tagged on Facebook. Worst of all was interacting with guys, I was convinced none of them were interested. I didn’t think I looked good, so why would they think I did? When I was blind drunk I was all down for a ‘d floor’ pash, but there was no way I was going home and taking my clothes off! Hell no!
Working out what to wear even just to grab a coffee took way too long. Every outfit was based around a certain type of singlet that I thought was sucking in my stomach and making me not look as big as I felt. I was fat, felt awful and was really unfit… no singlet was ever going to help it.
I found myself clicking on one of those dodgy ads on Facebook that told me I could take a free sample of a weird African Mango Pill twice a day and the fat would just melt off. Amazing! Yes please! Sign me up! I’ll take two!! I handed over my credit card for the “postage fees” and waited for the pills to arrive. I’m not an idiot, I’ve been around the block a few times, I knew that this was a scam. But I did it anyway… I was that desperate. A cancelled credit card and a bottle of useless caffeine tablets later (yeah… they really do send you something, but the money continues to be sucked out as well!) I was ready to admit I needed do something about the way I looked and felt and I needed to do it the right way.
I embarked on the corniest thing ever, a “New Lifestyle”… spew (not literally). I followed a really basic plan of eating simple food that was good for my body. I didn’t deny myself anything but I began to eat in moderation. I started exercising a lot more too, most of the problem with how I looked and more importantly how I felt, was my unbelievably low fitness. It worked. So far I’ve lost 20kgs and I can now run 15k. Crazy…
These days, I legitimately look and feel like a different person, it’s rad. I’m so much more sure of myself and ready to hit the refresh button on life. I quit my miserable job, started saving money for the first time in my life and threw away all my grotty stomach sucking singlets.
Mr Right/Ryan Gosling hasn’t come knocking at my door just yet, but I’m pretty sure he is around the corner, or maybe his car broke down and he’s waiting for me to offer him a ride?… Either way, I’m ready, hurry the hell up!!
It’s amazing how much women talk about their weight, how we unnecessarily obsess over it. But, as I look back from the other side of the elusive weight loss endeavor, it’s still me here. Just a slightly modified version. When I think about that singlet wearing girl constantly consumed by negative thoughts, I’m only sorry I didn’t
start taking care of her sooner. I could be happily pregnant to Ryan Gosling by now!