My little boy, my baby, started school today. First day of grade Prep.
My daughter is in year two and now with both of them at school, THIS is how I thought I’d feel…
I laughed so hard when I saw this, because this is exactly how I thought I’d be. Fist-pumping the air and rollin’ with my homies.
Free. I thought I’d feel free.
I thought I’d get home, put my pyjama pants back on (I know!) and get to work – no interruptions, no whinging. Turns out I did get home and I did put on my pjs but instead of feeling free I just feel a bit….empty. The house is quiet. There’s no little voice asking me 100 questions, not even the sound of superheroes clanging together in their epic battles. Just silence.
As mums, it’s easy to get bogged down in the sameness of daily life with little kids. It’s easy to wish the time away and look forward to the day that they’re out of the house and at school for the exact reason I’m feeling out of whack – for some silence, for some peace and quiet.
It’s funny, but it’s just at this moment where I’m feeling out of my comfort zone that I’ve come to realise my kids ARE my comfort zone. As much as they drive me completely crackers A LOT of the time, those crazy little monkeys are my home. It is with them that I feel my safest and most content.
Look, it’s the first day. I know all this is going to change. In a few weeks, I know that I’ll probably get home, make myself a coffee and relish in the silence. Maybe I’ll even wonder how I ever got any work / cleaning / thinking done when they were home.
But not today. Today I’ll eat a cookie the size of my head and allow myself to pine for my little boy. I’ll allow myself to feel sad that today is the start of a new chapter and the end of the one that has been our life for five years. I’ll let myself wallow in a bit of self-pity because before I know it, he won’t be my ‘little big boy’ anymore. He’ll be a bona-fide school kid with friends and interests that don’t involve me, which despite feeling so foreign, is really what I’ve always wanted for him.
So if you’re a mum who is missing your kid today, read the poem below and give yourself permission to cry – because the first day of school is sad, and wonderful and exciting and nerve-wracking and all those things that make life experiences so great.
And eat a massive cookie or two. You deserve it.
How did your child’s first day of school go?