Mumandicropped
Relationships, What's On Our Mind

I’m still getting used to my world without my mum in it

Carla McConnell by Carla McConnell
March 24th, 2016
Mumandicropped

When I was 21-years-old my mother died and I did not see it coming.

I remember opening the door to the two policemen and knowing something was wrong immediately. All that went through my head at that moment was, “not mum, not mum, not mum.” But it was – my mother was dead. She had been killed in a car accident.

I’ve spent a lifetime grieving that moment and I always will. There is something so irreplaceable about a mum. I miss all the small things like the awesome birthday presents and the daily phone calls but it’s the big things that hurt the most like the fact she’ll never meet my girls, I still find this one hard to believe.

My mum was the most amazing woman I have ever known. She loved and nurtured me, she taught me how to tie my shoe laces and cook an egg but she also taught me how to love myself.

My Dad and I one week after mum died at my cousin's 21st. I can still feel the pain I see on our faces.

My Dad and I one week after mum died at my cousin’s 21st. I can still feel the pain I see on our faces.

I’ve spent years trying to get my head around my new world without my mum in it.  Now I have two beautiful daughters of my own,  I can understand that my mother would want me to move on and be happy.

I have created a happy life for myself but I still miss her so much, and what I wouldn’t give for just one more second to look at her beautiful face.

Listening to Sam Lane talk about losing her mum is totally heartbreaking to me because I understand every word she is saying and completely feel her pain. Grief is so universal and mums are irreplaceable:

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