CORD1
Parenting, What's On Our Mind

Umbilical cord art anyone?

Pia Careedy by Pia Careedy
April 11th, 2013
CORD1

You thought those ‘My Family’ stickers were bad?

Oh, friends. You haven’t seen anything yet. There are TONS of original ways to show the world you’ve got kids and you’re Real Proud Of It. Some are fun, some are quirky….and some are downright scary. Allow me to fill you in. 

 

Umbilical Cord Art

Birth is a very physical experience. You want to remind people that you gave birth, like, physically, in case they forget. Baby, umbilicus and placenta all lived inside your deep dark womb before exiting ceremoniously and victoriously through the vagina. Framing a cross section of a used organ really rams that point home.

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Placenta Prints

Placenta prints are so unique and fresh! Hahaha, literally! *crazyeyes*

That’s right; it’s your bloody afterbirth, dropped on a canvas. Squeamish?  You shouldn’t be, it’s so beautiful and earthy. You don’t want a copy for your lounge room? Ok, geez. Prudes.

PLACENTA

Loving Family Photos

Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover this.

‘Hey, mum and dad…why don’t you relax and take a load off.’

If you find yourself dazzled by the white light at Pixie Photo, and your ‘professional stylist’ suggests getting naked?

Don’t just shrug. Definitely don’t say ‘Oh, why not?’

It’s always:

NOT. NOT. NOT.

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Even Kate Moss isn’t pulling this off. Sorry, Kate.

NAKED2

Jewelry

The ultimate trump card for all aggressive mummy bears.

Oh, you use your kid’s photo as your phone background? That’s cute. Got their D.O.B. tastefully inscribed on your wrist? Amateur.

I scrubbed the blood off my baby’s first tooth, had it bronzed, and hung it around my neck for the world to see, bitches. BOOM. THAT’S PRIDE.

TOOTH_2

Sold separately:

Baby’s toe nails – ground up and mixed with regurgitated mashed banana for a reinvigorating smoothie.

Bottled baby breath – captured for a million years in a specially designed bottle. So your precious child’s essence can last an eternity; just like your love. (Not joking)

OH DEAR.

Clearly, there’s lots of unique ways to declare You Love Your Baby Heaps. But parents, y’all need to relax. We believe you. You know what says ‘we did it, we had a baby!’ better than anything else?

Their birth certificate. Maybe have a copy framed and hang it somewhere nice. It’ll give you that squishy loving feeling every time you look at it. And no one has to get naked for it.

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