Since turning the big THREE ZERO (only a couple of months, I mean years ago) things in my life have changed. Most of them for the better. My boobs probably would disagree — but who asked them anyway! So, this one goes out to my fellow ladies who are 30 and beyond — and fine about that!
1. A night out used to start at 11pm, now you only go out if you can be at home in bed, makeup off and pjs on by 9.30.
2. You LOVE the 90s. The music, the clothes – any excuse to reminisce on your life in the 90s is the bomb! #DawsonsCreek
3. You look at photos of when you were 20, at a time when you thought you were gross or overweight and think HOW F**KING HOT YOU WERE!
4. When you’re sick, you still expect your mum to bring you lemon and honey tea in bed and stroke your hair. And you get angry at your partner for not being your mum.
5. You’re scared of teenagers. Because they ARE scary! Always walk on the other side of the footpath girls.
6. When you’re 34, and someone you know turns 30, you think you’re the same age as them.
7. You definitely don’t look as old as you thought a 30+ year old would when you were 20. And you are much more immature than you imagined you’d be at 30.
8. A little bit of vomit comes up when someone in their mid 20’s says they were born after 1990.
9. The little kids you used to babysit are now driving and going to uni! What. The. F*ck??!!
10. You go to a pub for a drink and ask the bartender to turn the music down so you can have a conversation.
11. You follow more homeware Instagram accounts than fashion ones.
12. You question why you were ever attracted to Macaulay Culkin. (Or is that just me?)
13. You regret making plans and would prefer to stay at home, braless, watching The Bachelorette on the couch.
14. If you want dessert, you eat it.
15. You worry about your parents getting older. If they don’t answer their phone, you assume something terrible has happened.
16. When planning a night out with the girls you get SO excited and say, “What a BIG night you’ll have.” Then when you’re there, you start yawning at 8pm and you’re asleep in an Uber on your way home by 9pm.
17. The thought of going out clubbing and having cowboy cocksucker shots at 4am makes you feel physically ill.
18. You wonder why your life still isn’t together. When will that happen?
19. A little part of you still thinks you’ll marry Scott Wolf.
20. When you’re 20 and someone gives you something for your home like a candle or a set of towels, you roll your eyes in boredom. In your 30s, you squeal with delight.
22. If you want to get out of something you use your kids as an excuse. And you wonder how you used to get out of anything before having kids?
23. You’re still waiting to become a great cook like your mum.
24. You get serious envy of girls who don’t need to wear bras.
25. You hate your post-breastfeeding boobs. I mean, TEA BAGS!
There you go, 25 things only a girl in her 30s understands. Did I miss anything?
This piece was first published at adelady.com.au