From putting jade eggs up your vag to sipping water through crystal-infused bottles, I thought we’d hit peak weirdo over the past few years when it comes to wellness trends. Look, I’m not knocking trying alternative shit – I’m a band-wagoner that’ll pretty much give anything a shot if it whispers enough promises in my ear BUT there’s one I recently read about that’ll be getting a hard no from me.
And it involves your arsehole.
More specifically, it involves stripping down, spreading your cheeks and exposing your glorious anoos to the life-giving rays of the harsh, Aussie sun. You read right peeps, anal sunbaking is IN for the summer. And you thought the idea of getting into a pair of ‘kinis on the beach was intimidating.
Now, before you shut it down, allow me to explain what some claim this very strange and potentially embarrassing behaviour will do for you. According to RA of Earth, a teacher of ‘humanology and ancient occult practices’ who is an avid bumhole-baker, just 30 seconds of chocolate starfish exposure a day will give you more energy than an entire day in the sun (with your kit on) would.
Johnny Knoxville and co. recently gave this a go and here’s what you’ve got to look forward to…
This chick also agrees…
And so does this dude…
View this post on Instagram
Butthole sunning! – – According to @ra_of_earth via @johnnyknoxville story…30 seconds of direct sunlight injection to The anal orifice is equivalent to being outside in the sun ALL DAY! – – SUN= NUTRITION as long as you have the proper antioxidants and fats. If your body is loaded with PUFA’s, sunlight can be very damaging to the tissues! – – Therefore CLEAN UP YOUR DIET, everybody will do WAY better on my Organic Superfood nutritional program, it feeds the cells and satiate the tissues with materials that replicate your eyeballs, spinal cord nose hairs and epidermis … All the vitamins, minerals, enzymes, proteins, fats, carbohydrates in a bio available predigested micro nutrition presentation. 💯 satisfaction guaranteed! LINK IN BIO
As someone with shocking Vitamin D levels, I should totally be giving this a red-hot go. Also, it’s time efficient AF… ‘cos who hasn’t got a swift thirty seconds up their sleeve for an injection of energy delivered directly through the back door?
I’m just not sure my neighbour Maureen is quite ready for it. Can you even imagine the view as she hung out her sheets on a Monday morning and ducked her head over the fence to say g’day? That’d burn the colour right out of her eyeballs.
Also, there’s that pesky matter of proof. Like, is this actually a thing? Does it work? I can tell you that after a longer rummage through the internet than I’d hoped for (and some very confronting Google images), I found no medical info on this whatsoever.
So, I guess if you’re keen to try an alternative to upping your energy, a 30 second anal stare at the sun could be worth a CRACK (zingggg!) If, however, you’re more of the conservative type who likes to keep their brown eye on lockdown, 10-30 minutes in the sunshine a few days a week should do it. Or an Ostelin tablet. Whatever floats your boat.
Rachael Finch is one lady who is serious about health and wellness. Have a listen to our pod chat with her below, then why not come over here and subscribe to our pod channel? We reckon you’ll love it.