Every year, I have these grand fantasies about just how lovely putting up the Christmas tree will be. How special it will be. What life-long memories will be implanted in my kids’ little minds; memories they’ll then share with their own kids one day.
Yeah, I know. Delusional.
You see, it all starts out fine – the intention is there and so is the spirit. We whack on some tunes, unpack the decs and assemble the tree. Mood is good, vibe is peakin’.
Of course, the lights are the first to go on (unless you’re a maniac) and THIS is where we say adios to my Christmas fantasy.
The lights. It’s always the fuckin’ lights.
I’ll admit I’m a bit of a Harry Half-Job when it comes to taking the lights down in readiness for next year. I sorta just bunch them up and shove them in their box until the next year, when my anal-as husband pulls them out and spends 15 minutes cursing me for being a hack.
The actual placement of the lights on the tree is the clincher. You’re trying to keep them from tangling as you work your way around and around the tree from top to bottom, only to find that they’re all bunched-up and have essentially become possessed by the devil. Keeping your cool and not pulling them all off and screaming ‘fuck youse all!’ in front of your kids is an exercise in restraint – ‘cos there’s no quicker way to kill the Christmas vibe than going all Full Metal Jacket on everyone.
If only there were an easier way to put the goddamn lights on.
Well, thanks to a bloody revelation from TikTok user @Kristireedy, there is. You see, instead of swirling round and round the tree with the lights in the traditional fashion, you’re gonna hit that tree VERTICALLY. Hear me out: You start from the bottom, work your way up to the top and then down again (on an angle, kind of like a zig-zag so they don’t overlap) and keep going until your tree is covered. The best bit is a) if your tree is nestled in a corner, you don’t need to worry about covering the hidden back of the tree, giving you more twinkle action at the front where you need it and b) it’s WAY easier remove them when Chrissy is over.
If you wanna see the hack in action, head here.
So if you haven’t popped your tree up yet, give this a go and if you have – bookmark this page so you’ll remember it for next year!
Speaking of game-changers, you’ve gotta listen to Monty’s recent chat with Sexologist Tamica Wilder AKA The Orgasmic Mama on the pod. Listen below and subscribe here for heaps more poddy goodness!