Remember a couple of years ago when Gwyneth Paltrow talked about steaming her vagina? Man, she copped A LOT of shit for that one, but even so, people were curious about the procedure and what she claimed it could do for your lady cave. Well today friends, today we’ve hit peak stupidity and it turns out that Gwynnie is actually on the conservative side when it comes to vaginal care.
We’ve done a lot of fucked up shit to our vaginas. We’ve yanked every last hair out with hot wax, inserted jade eggs into it, steamed it and lasered it. I’d love to say we’ve done everything short of surgery on it but yep, we’ve done that too. While the incidence of women undergoing labiaplasty for a designer vagina are on the up and up, the latest fad is almost more worrying because it’s accessible to everyone.
Women are smearing their vaginas with VICKS VAPO RUB on the promise (from various forums and blogs) that it’ll do a range of stuff like prevent yeast infections, relieve itching and give your bits a pleasant odour. Wow, how amazing! Imagine how thrilled your partner will be to be greeted with a tsunami of minty freshness as opposed to that other smell when he or she gets down there.
We’ve yanked every last hair out with hot wax, inserted jade eggs into it, steamed it and lasered it. I’d love to say we’ve done everything short of surgery on it but yep, we’ve done that too
It’s even been suggested that a bit o’ Vicks can improve your sex life if RUBBED DIRECTLY ONTO YOUR CLIT. Can you even imagine? I remember my Year 12 co-ordinator in high school once told me that Vicks was good for chapped lips and I gave it a go and it burned like a bitch…and they were the lips ON MY FACE. Plus, Vicks is meant to give eight long, long hours of relief…so expect to feel like you’ve have your clitoris cauterised for that long if you’re game enough to try.
Jokes aside, the professionals have told us time and time again to just leave our poor vaginas alone. As far as magical places go, they’re at the top of the tree. Those babies can take good care of themselves and generally speaking, are probably one of the parts of our bodies that require the least amount of fussing. It only take a bit of stuffing around (like with something that is meant to CLEAR YOUR NASAL PASSAGES) to throw the whole thing and it’s delicate pH balance out of whack. And that’s when problems arise.
The rules are simple really; don’t put stuff in or on your vagina that isn’t specifically designed for that area. Full stop.
Would you ever try this? Know someone who has?