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The mystery of miscarriage

Bec Douros by Bec Douros
December 25th, 2013

One of the most common questions we get asked is…“when are you going to have a baby?” and we always reply “hopefully soon.” But what a lot of people don’t know is that like a lot of other couples, we have had issues in the baby making-department. Not only have we been trying for coming up to 3 years but we have also suffered the unfortunate experience of miscarriage…

It is such a testing time on anyone’s emotions when you want something so badly but you just cant have it. But it is even most testing when you finally get it and then it’s gone.

As time passed I have wondered if it was the universe telling us in a weird way that it wasn’t the right time because after all if our little one had survived we wouldn’t have done The Block. Or was it something I could have done differently? I could and have sat down for hours running all the ‘what ifs’ through my mind but it wouldn’t have made any difference.

I have come to realise that there are a lot of couples that struggle to get pregnant and more tragically suffer miscarriages. It is something that is unspoken but shouldn’t be because it happens to one in 5 women. We told close friends and family when we found out we were going to become a family and it was so hard to tell them that it was no longer the case. Emotionally it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I had lost a baby and getting pregnant might not happen the way I had always imagined it to. But once again after I had cried it out of my system I realised the positive is we do have youth on our side and there is time to keep trying. It was great that I knew I could actually fall preganat naturally now and going down the road of IVF would be the last resort.

Bec and her husband George

Bec and her husband George

I did become completely consumed with getting pregnant that I did put pressure on myself and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when I actually did fall pregnant we were on a vacation in Hawaii…relaxing both body and mind.

These days society also puts pressure on us to be a certain way and a lot of us live our lives with a picture of how everything will turn out. I too had a 5 year plan for when I got married 4 years ago. I can tell you right now that losing my mum, getting on The Block and a career change were not on that list. Getting pregnant was though and I never anticipated that I would get pregnant and then lose the baby. We can’t plan our lives, as much as the inner control freak in me wants to there are some things we can’t control.

I wanted to share this story because it is something that is more common than we think and talking about it with other women does make it feel better. We can’t plan every part of our lives and sometimes things happen that we can’t explain. Miscarriage in most cases is a mystery but not something anyone should be ashamed to talk about. It is important that as women we don’t put pressure on ourselves and our relationships and accept that what will be..will be.

Over the weekend we celebrated the birth of our best friends first child and the christening of my baby cousin Stella. When the time comes that we get to have a family of our own we will be ready…I think! It is unfortunate that I won’t get to share this experience with my mother but I am so blessed that I had such an amazing teacher that when the time does come for little Bec and George’s they could not be coming into more open and loving arms.

here are some links where you can learn more about miscarraige:

http://www.thewomens.org.au/MiscarriageFactSheet

http://www.sands.org.au/

Have you experienced a miscarriage or someone you know?

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