This piece is brought to you by Woolworths but is 100% my glorious findings as a mum of boys.
I have spawned two boys that are currently six and three years old. I just assumed that because I grew up in a house full of women and happen to be a woman myself, that my body would grow a human with lady bits. Apparently, that is not the case though and WOW, coming from a world of women to raising little men is a steep learning curve.
I look at some of my friends who only have little girls and think how blissful and chilled their lives are.
I am yet to meet a little lady as crazy as my boys – don’t get me wrong, I know some chickadees charge at a higher octane, I was one of those…but I don’t think any rev as high as my nutbags.
If you are a mum of boys, you will nod your head to 99% of the below.
- When they are babies you MUST make sure their penis, dicki, doodle or whatever you choose to call it is ALWAYS facing down in their nappies or their wee somehow manages to escape out the side of their nappy and go everywhere.
- Boys launch themselves off EVERYTHING. Couches, beds, chairs, sheds, and anything that is raised off the floor and dangerous.
- If they spot a puddle they WILL jump in it. Gumboots are not an essential part of puddle jumping in the mind of a mini male.
- The knees on every pair of pants have grass stains on them OR are torn.
- Fences or trees have one purpose to boys and that is to be climbed.
- They can incorporate the words bum, poo, wee, fart, doodle into any conversation or song lyric.
- Their hands are always only a maximum of five minutes away from having a little fiddle…down there.
- When they are laughing uncontrollably, it usually means bad news.
- They wrestle…CONSTANTLY.
- They get cabin fever in less than .2 seconds.
- Saying ‘don’t get dirty’ is a waste of oxygen.
- Actually, saying anything with the word ‘don’t’ in front of it is a waste of oxygen.
- They like to comment on how big/small/floppy your boobs are.
- Slapping your bare bum when you get out of the shower to watch it jiggle is HILARIOUS…apparently.
Most of them are so affectionate and kiss and hug better than anyone in the world.
*Little Ones are only available at Woolworths. The range includes convenient and bulk pack nappies, nappy pants, nappy bags and baby wipes. They are super reasonably priced, have super cute patterns on them and are super comfy, dry and secure. They are also unisex so if you spawned a boy or a girl, they are perfecto.