I would consider myself a stay at home mum. Yes, I work but I mostly work from home and I mostly do it around the hours of my children’s sleep times. My husband and I have chosen to parent this way….well actually, I chose to parent this way. My husband would have supported me either way. I would be lying if I said I feel comfortable saying I’m a stay at home mum…I do think women are judged if that’s seemingly ‘all’ they do.
A while ago, Constance Hall published a Facebook post that rang so true for me and many of the incredible women in my life. She tackled the age old debate that women couldn’t possibly be feminist if they chose to stay home and raise their children. You know, the choice to be a 50s housewife that only cooked and cleaned. Her post was fucking incredible. One of the most truest posts to ever be written.
Here is what Constance had to say:
People often make the mistake of thinking that they can tell stay at home mums what they can and can’t do…
“Con can do it, she doesn’t work”
“Babe go to he shops for me, grab me a flat white, bring it to my job but first stop by Franks with a carton of Peroni coz I owe him one”
“You can’t put the kids in daycare, you don’t even work. Try working and mothering then get back to me.”
I don’t really care, I’ve been a flat out working mum and accused of not ‘mumming’ properly and a stay at home one, people make assumptions about each, you just have to learn to be stingy with your fucks.
One thing that has shat me to tears of late however is the statement that stay at home mums can’t be feminists…
Now that’s just going too far. Mums who don’t have paid employment absolutely can be feminists.
Exercising your rights to raise your family the way that works best for you is a fucking feminist thing to do.
Equality can absolutely exist in a house that one parent remains at home in and I for one have had to fight hard for it, so I’m not letting anyone tell me it’s not real.
And do you know what else? It’s just plain mean. It’s a hard enough job and a lonely enough job without the legendary fierce hearts that you look up to and respect telling you that your not allowed to be in the crew that you believe in, making you feel like you’re some kind of 50s house wife that does nothing but bake, iron and put kids to bed in time to give your heroic husband a much deserved blow job and ballsack caress.
The non working mother has changed, she’s busy and fierce and contributes to society and whether her decisions to stay at home were based on a child’s disability, a financial decision or the fact that she just fucking likes it… She can still be a feminist.
Because saying that she cant doesn’t only insult Stay at home mums……..
it insults feminism too.
Isn’t it true that being a feminist is supporting other women – not tearing them down for the choices they do or do not make.
And let’s be very clear in saying that if you are a working mum it does not mean you’re not raising your kids. Stay at home mum’s and working mothers are still raising their own children…the day to day just looks a little different.
Every woman is a feminist if she is strong enough to make the right decision for her and her family. It’s not the choice that she makes that matters most – it’s the fact that she has a choice.
And Constance, well bloody said. We salute you girlfriend.
Watch Constance On The Couch chat about being a stay at home mum: