The other week my partner Sam and I had a serious chat. It was heavy and my tears started within minutes and the more we chatted, the more I wanted to run away and not be an adult anymore. In our relationship, Sam is the grown up. He is the one that knows the bank account details and what needs to be paid when, he knows about rates and energy bills and the truth is I’d be one of those damsels in distress if he dropped off his perch. I bury my head when it comes to grown up shit like that. I’m more than happy to do some of the grown up stuff, like keep our kids alive, but when it comes to the nitty gritty of bills and wills and admin like that, I ain’t ya girl.
So after avoiding the conversation as long as I could, Sam decided it was time to rip off the bandaid and finalise our Will and with that, we needed to decide who our boys would go to if we were both to die. Fuck man, that is a heavy thing to think about. My boys were fast asleep and cosy in their beds when we were chatting about this and I had to go and nuzzle them and inhale their little sleepy breaths several times when the grimness got too much for me. Even the hypothetical scenario of Sam and I not being here to raise our boys makes me want to scream. But because we are apparently adults and need to plans for dire scenarios, we had to nut this out.
After much consideration and many tears, it was clear that the best person to step into our roles would be my best mate Stacey. Stace has three boys and she is one of the most incredible mums I know. She loves fiercely and is strong and no bullshit, but also a natural nurturer, so she was the obvious lady for the job.
So after the decision was made, I called Stace and asked her one of the biggest questions I have ever had to ask anyone in my life – “Will you take on our boys if we are to die?” She didn’t flinch and said “of course”. I felt relieved and sad and happy and miserable all at once. Stace then proceeded to tell me that just the other week, her and her husband Mike had the same discussion and as I prepared to say “Yes” in return to her, she told me that they asked her sister in law to take on her boys if her and Mike suddenly passed. Her sister in law lives in America and has four kids of her own. I was like what the actual fuck??? It’s like asking someone to be your bridesmaid and she says yes and then tells you she is also getting married and there are like, four bridesmaids, but you are not one of them. Not one to keep things to myself, I told her I think that’s bullshit but then in the next breathe said I totally understood. Her sister in law is kick arse and the holy grail of mums and she would hands down be the best person for the job. Also, I am like a screaming banshee with my boys and I think my quota is definitely two and Stace and I both know that.
It’s an odd thing to think about and sort out as a 36 year old. I feel invincible and that I will live forever. But the truth is, we never know what is around the corner and at least getting this sorted now, I will still retain a little power from the grave.
Have you thought about who your kids would go to if you died? How did you decide this?
We have started a new podcast that we do usually every fortnight called Show + Telling. You can listen below to our first ep or subscribe to our podcast here.