Big Kids, Parenting

I have just fought the war on nits.

Monty by Monty
May 21st, 2017

Well that was shit.

I am now on the other side (I hope) of what was a brutal and revolting nit infestation. Why did no one warn me about this part of parenting? Searching for nits in tiny, itchy heads for HOURS on end – actually, make that DAYS on end, is bloody hideous.

For a week or so my six year old was saying he had an itchy head. I took a quick look through his hair but it looked as good as gold to me, so I basically told him to suck it up ( I’m a very gentle and caring mother). It wasn’t until my two year old complained that there was a mozzie in his helmet that we found the full blown petting zoo residing in his locks.

As soon as I spotted the infestation I started to scratch like a mofo. Just uttering the word N.I.T made me psychosomatically itch like a junkie.

So lock down occurred and cabin fever set in at about the ninth minute mark. We scrolled every site on the net to find out the best way to handle our new zoo and then got down and dirty.

Arlo and Bax at the start of the fun and games

Arlo and Bax at the start of the fun and games

We raced to the chemist and got ALL the product, some opt for natural treatments, I wanted chemical; I wanted those bad boys dead.

My boys, partner and I sat with nit killing mousse in our locks for ten minutes before the revolting/satisfying nit hunting began.

Fast forward six hours and I was convinced I have found and murdered every last nit in our kids’ hair (us grown-ups miraculously dodged the nitting bullet). We stripped the beds and basically poured acid on them to ensure nothing even slightly resembling life would survive.

I felt like a bloody super hero for getting all the living and soon to be hatched creatures extracted from my kids heads.

That night I slept like a baby extremely satisfied with my handy work only to wake to find my five year old still scratching.  What. The. Fuckkkk. I wanted to cry and put him in the bin simultaneously, but instead I booked us in with the pros and took the kids to get their hair fiddled with by women who found around ONE HUNDRED MORE EGGS.

We revisited the Nit Queens a week later and they crowned us officially NIT FREE. Those two words were like music to my ears but I have been plagued with paranoia every since the initial nit spotting, so after each shower I comb the bejesus out of the boys hair.

Some glorious news is that my son’s class is now infested and every morning at drop off I feel deflated and filled with fear when I spot a mini human scratching like a dog.

I am spraying some tee tree oil potion in my kids hair daily and have told them to play by themselves for the rest of their living days, so hopefully we will be safe… for now.

Fuck you nits.

Kids, hey?! Constance Hall talked all about the highs and lows of motherhood during our chat, which you can get into your ears below in podcast form. Come play with us in pod land by subscribing here for HEAPS more awesome convos.