Parenting, Pregnancy

A hilarious look at the things that only happen during labour

Melissa Imbesi by Melissa Imbesi
May 3rd, 2016

During both of my labours, my obstetrician asked me if I wanted a mirror to see my baby being born.  My answer was a shrieking, “NO, NO, NOOOOOO.” Seriously, if you’ve got the goods to look at the mess going on down there while you feel like your body is splitting in two, then more power to you, but for me, I couldn’t think of anything worse. It’s like when you cut yourself and the moment you see the blood makes it so much worse….I’d imagine that SEEING my vagina stretched to the size of a small human head would have the same affect, times 3000.

I was so sure that I would be one of those silent birthers, because when I have been in any decent pain in the past, my go-to is to be really silent. Yeah, that’s not how it went. I actually screamed (or grunted like some kind of wild animal being slaughtered) so loud that my obstetrician actually said to me, “Melissa, you need to focus that energy from screaming into your pushing.” Not cool to say to someone with a vacuum up her vagina and no epidural. Not. Cool.

Anyway, we all have an idea how we’ll deal with childbirth, but you never really now how things are going to pan out until you get there. It’s true when they tell you to leave your dignity at the door, because there are so many humiliating things that go on while you’re giving birth, but you don’t really care because all you want is that baby out and the pain to stop; so if that means doing a poo while you’re pushing, or having a grown man shove his ENTIRE hand up your vagina, then so be it.

And just as a side note, don’t you love it when your partner says to you, “We did it!”  No fucker, we didn’t do it. I did it.

We love this BuzzFeed vid of things that only happen when you’re in labour. So funny and so true…