Big Kids, Motherhood, Parenting

If you’re a mum to boys this is your life…

Monty by Monty
October 30th, 2017

I’m a mum of two small human boys. There is shit only people with boys will get.  Sometimes when I chat to my mates who have only bred girls, they look at me like I am talking another language sometimes cause girls are different. I am yet to meet a little lady as crazy as my boys – don’t get me wrong, I know some chickadees charge at a higher octane, I was one of those…but I don’t think any rev as high as my boys.

If you have a boy in the mix, you will nod your head to 99% of the below.

Boys piss everywhere EXCEPT where they are meant to. My kids will wee on trees, grass, fences, sand pits, the bathroom floor but rarely ever in the bowl.

They launch themselves off EVERYTHING. The couch, the bed, a chair, the floor.

If they spot a puddle they WILL jump in it. Gumboots are not an essential part of puddle jumping in the mind of a mini male.

The knees of every pair of pants have grass stains on them OR are torn.

Fences or trees have one purpose to boys and that is to be climbed.

They can incorporate the words bum, poo, wee, fart, doodle into any conversation or song lyrics.

Their hands are always only a maximum of five minutes away from having a little fiddle.

When they are laughing uncontrollably, it usually means bad news.

They wrestle…CONSTANTLY.

They get cabin fever in less than .2 seconds.

Saying ‘don’t get dirty’ is a waste of oxygen.

Actually, saying anything with the word ‘don’t’ in front of it is a waste of oxygen.

They like to comment on how big/small/floppy your boobs are.

Slapping your bare bum when you get out of the shower to watch it jiggle is HILARIOUS…apparently.


Most of them are so affectionate and kiss and hug better than anyone in the world.

Michelle Bridges joined me on S+T Radio. She is a mum of one little boy. He is too young for her to relate to the above, BUT one day she will. Check out our chat below and you can subscribe to our podcast here.