Babies, Parenting

Is licking your newborn clean the new trend?

Shannon Kelly by Shannon Kelly
July 26th, 2018

When I initially learned about this phenomenon my first thought was, “Hold up f**kers, the list of jobs a mother has is already gargantuan, I’m not interested in hearing about any additional motherly tasks. Including (but not limited to) face licking.”

Face licking came to the Internet Machine’s attention when the above photo of a postpartum mother licking her newborn baby’s face went viral.

Although my first reaction was a firm “No, thanks,” I had a bit of a deeper think about it. What’s actually going on here? Likely, it’s just a mother showing tenderness and affection to her baby. If I could get that champ of a mum on the blower, I would ask her, “Sister, tell me, what’s up with the face licking? Was it to get rid of germs? Was it motherly instinct? Did you recently see kittens birthed and picked up some sweet tricks?” And she’d probably say, “Girlfriend, I was high on nitrous oxide, I had no f**king clue what I was doing. I just love my baby and licked the thing!” Then we would laugh and talk about our nipples.

I don’t want to hear any negativity about this because let’s be honest, most of us have licked much more revolting things than a fresh human’s face. If you’ve ever flipped from reverse cowgirl to a BJ you’ll know what I mean.

Would I do it? Well, I’ve had two babies and I didn’t lick either of those little meatballs, and I’m not planning on having a third one exit me so I don’t think this choice is ever going to need to be made in my life. But if I visited a beautiful friend and she started licking her baby I’d high five that boss. Anything a mamma can do to show love to her little babe is A-OK by me. Even face licking.

(Shannon Kelly White is the HILARIOUS woman behind Shannon’s Kitchen, grab a copy here.)

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