While it’s not something that’s talked about very often, not every mum connects with their baby at birth. In fact, a lot of mums don’t.
Our very own Monty has talked very openly about feeling disconnected with her sons in the moments and weeks after birth, and we’ve had many mums join us On the Couch share with us very similar experiences.
Recently, Melbourne mum Lacey Barratt shared a very real and raw image of herself with her baby and while at the time she didn’t realise how much she was struggling, days later when she looked at this very picture, everything became very clear to her. At a time when she felt like she should feel elated, she felt empty.
It all started when Lacey was attempting to post a picture on of her post-birth body on her Instagram account.
“I shared the side image on my Instagram account yesterday. It has gotten over 46k views and 750 likes. I captioned it ’20 hours in and we are making it….’ because when I took it yesterday, I wanted to document my postpartum body. Which was why I chose the side image to share. But as I was going through them again, I found the frontal image. I sent it to my friend and she immediately said that’s powerful and confronting, are you ok? I was fine until she asked me if I was fine. I took another look at it. I *saw* my soul. In a picture. I cried. I didn’t want to look at it anymore.”
“I saw a woman standing next to her birth affirmation bunting less than 24 hours post birth…and she wasn’t babymooning. I saw a woman who felt like after 4 biological births in 5 years and 5 children total, that this was her job. Like she was good for nothing else other than birthing babies. Like she is just going through the process. Pregnant, birth, postpartum, baby cries, boob baby, baby poops, change baby, raise baby….just going through the motions. There was no attachment. It looks like someone just dumped a baby in my arms.
“I feel no warmth when I look at this. Then, I felt guilty. I felt vulnerable. And I debated if I wanted to share. You know, its not even day 3 and I was already shutting myself in my room crying. I had an amazing supported gorgeous birth. Well, me being real, I turned to a group of women I truly love and who have no judgement…at all. I knew it was normal, but I wasn’t ready to spill my weaknesses until I *knew* it was normal.
“Well now, after some soul searching, placenta encapsulating, sharing with other women, and naked snuggling with ALLLLL of my kids, I am ready to say it. Feeling disconnected after a birth whether it be positive, supported and empowering OR traumatic, disempowered, or poorly supported is NORMAL.”
Hallelujah Lacey. These words are truly powerful and could not be any more spot on. Birth is a different experience for everyone and it’s okay to feel the way you feel.
Watch Monty and some of the incredible women we’ve had On the Couch talk about this very same topic;