Parenting, Pregnancy

Secret Behaviours of Pregnant Women

Melissa Imbesi by Melissa Imbesi
July 24th, 2016

The first time I was pregnant I COULD NOT WAIT for my belly to pop out. I couldn’t wait to “feel” pregnant in all the ways I expected I would; to feel my baby gently kicking the inside of my basketball-sized belly while I swanned around town in my trendy maternity jeans with my glowing skin and hair. My expectations were high but as it turned out, my reality was loooooowwwww.

My “basketball-sized belly” was more of a misshapen mountain of discomfort and my arse gave my stomach a run for its money in the size stakes. You know when you hear people say, “Wow, you don’t even look pregnant from the back!” When I was pregnant, it was more like, “Wow, are you actually carrying your baby IN YOUR ARSE??” My skin, which had never been problematic, began to break out and “the glow” everyone talks about? Never happened. My skin looked dull and blotchy and gross.

Secret Single Behaviour was traded in for Obvious Pregnancy Conduct which included such hits as ‘I can only bend sideways’, ‘I can’t see my vagina anymore’ and my old fave, ‘If you take that last square of chocolate I will stab you in the face.’ I wore nothing but elasticised pants, I ate double-dinners  and I learnt the fine art of picking up everything I dropped on the floor with my feet.

While pregnancy is different for every woman, there are some things most of us can relate to and the awesome guys over at BuzzFeed have nailed it in this hilarious vid. How many can YOU relate to? C’mon, we know you’ve played the “I can’t, I’m pregnant” card – or at least wanted to.