Parenting, Pregnancy

For all the preggos…

Olivia White by Olivia White
January 5th, 2017

You spent the first 12 weeks sick as a dog, then it wasn’t so bad and you had a few weeks were you thought “I can totally do this”!

And then you hit the third trimester!

But how do you know you’ve hit the third trimester?

Well you know your in the third trimester when…

1. Turning in bed is like watching a nanna try get into a parking spot. It takes about 57 attempts and is painful for everyone else to witness.

2. You have to seriously think about how bad you want to eat the food in front of you versus the heartburn it will most definitely give you.

3. It would be easier to declare “I don’t need to pee”, as that would be much less frequent than “I need to pee.”

4. Your husband calls to ask what’s for dinner and you just assume he rang a wrong number.

"What's for dinner?" Oh no he diiiiinit!

“What’s for dinner?” Oh no he diiiiinit!

5. You park in a ‘No Standing’ or ‘Loading Zone’ because it’s closest to the door and literally give no fucks about getting a fine!

6. You don’t even find a bath relaxing anymore because you don’t bloody fit in it anymore!

7. People keep asking “have you had that baby yet?” and you assume they are deaf, dumb and stupid because you clearly are still pregnant and they must know that was NOT a funny fucking joke!

8. “Do I have to wear pants?” has become a major deciding factor to anything you have to do.

9. The lady in the shop asks if you would like her to help tie your shoe and you almost die with shame…No wait, no I don’t – YES tie my shoe thanks!

10. You break a sweat walking from the house to the car and rather than pick your toddler up and put her in the car you just kind of half arsed push her foot up and hope she gets in.

11. Your electricity bill has almost doubled because you have your air conditioner set to “arctic vortex” every night.

"Minus 25. Perfect!"

“Minus 25. Perfect!”

12. You just start communicating in single words and pointing, much like your toddler, by the end of the day because “brain no worky.”

13. PMSL is not internet jargon or a way to describe that something was really funny – it’s actual, it is my life, IT JUST HAPPENED.

14. You’re so ridiculously tired yet you just cannot sleep until you rearrange the pots and pans drawer and organise everything in your wardrobe.

15. As much as you want to wear no bra at all, your sticky and leaky boobs keep reminding you to lock those puppies back up!

Kimmy K feels your leaky boob conundrum.

Kimmy K feels your leaky boob conundrum.

16. You literally have two outfits on rotation because nothing else fits and you’re not going to fork out for new clothes you’ll wear for a few weeks!

17. You haven’t seen your vagina for almost half the year!

18. You have completely forgotten what it’s like to NOT be pregnant.

19. You currently have a foot cramp.

20. You are on your last fuck given and everyone around you is a dickhead!

Head on over to House of White for more fabulousness from the very clever Olivia White.

What was the most frustrating part of your third trimester?

 

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