Family, Relationships

Who comes first on your love list?

Melissa Imbesi by Melissa Imbesi
June 18th, 2016

Keith Urban once said in an interview when talking about his wife Nicole Kidman and their children:

“We’re very, very tight as a family unit and the children are our life, but I know the order of my love. It’s my wife and then my daughters. I just think it’s really important for the kids.”

“There are too many parents who start to lose the plot a little and start to give all their love to the kids, and then the partner starts to go without. And then everybody loses. As a kid, all I needed to know was that my parents were solid.”

While no-one is ‘right’ when it comes to who ranks where in the order of love in their life, my take of Keith’s stance is the complete opposite. I love my kids more than my husband, and I say this without hesitation. It sounds mean, I know, and while it’s easy to say, “it’s a different kind of love,” for me, the love is on a completely different level.

I love my husband; I love him intensely and completely and have done since we were 19 years old. We’ve essentially grown up together; we married young (at 24), we’ve supported each other, we’ve seen the ugliest and most beautiful sides of one another and together, we have built a family that we are proud of. There’s no one else for me on this planet, I’m as close to 100% sure of that as you can get. Life without him makes me feel overwhelmed with sadness and I pray to God that I go first, because a life without his face in it is one that is too heartbreaking to imagine. But I could go on. I could go on for my kids.

Could I go on without my children? I really don’t know, but sitting here and contemplating a life without them fills me with too much pain to even consider the possibility. There is no one, and I mean no one, who I fear losing more than them. Since they were born, they took over my heart in a way that leaves no doubt in my mind that they are at the top of my love list and I know that it will be that way until I take my last breath.

Nic is number one on Keith's love list

Nic is number one on Keith’s love list

I love my kids more than my husband, and I say this without hesitation.

My husband’s tact-o-metre is much higher functioning than mine so he’s not as vocal about it, but I know he feels the same way. He loves our children more than he loves me and if I’m honest, I think I’d feel disappointed if he didn’t. There are things we could do to each other that would end our relationship, but our kids? Nothing could ever put an end to that love and that’s why I think parents and children are the greatest love stories on Earth. There’s no question that the decisions we make in our life prioritise our kids first, us second, and it’s been that way since the moment they were born. Of course, we take time out for each other and we’re quick to shoot off and spend a night away on our own when we can, but on a day-to-day basis, they’re number one.

Deep down, I always knew I would be this way and maybe that’s because of the way I was raised. My parents had an exceptional marriage but left no doubt that my brother, sister and I were the centre of their world. When my dad passed away, it hit my immediate family in way that I don’t think any of us have ever fully recovered from, or ever will for that matter. If it weren’t for the three of us kids, I’m almost sure of the fact that my mum would have followed my dad shortly after his passing, but her love for us was too great to let that happen.

In a statement that turns my typically unromantic nature into a sickly sweet pile of goo, I know that nothing will ever come close to the gift my husband and I gave each other the day we became parents. We gave each other the greatest loves of our entire lives; a spirited little girl and a cheeky little boy who have firmly rooted themselves on the top shelf of our hearts and will remain there for the rest of our days.

 Who is at the top of your love list?


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