For a little while when I was at university, I made some pocket money doing nude modelling for art classes. It was a job, like any other and I was grateful to be part of so many artists’ learning. I’d arrive at the studio, head to the dressing room and take off my clothes, throw a gown on, enter the studio and off would come the gown. I’d then do a series of languid poses for lightening quick hands to caress onto the page.
The scrutiny of an artist is unbelievable. They are all eyes and knowing. Invited to view their work following a class was the only uncomfortable thing about the experience. To see so many vivid interpretations of my body was confronting. I felt nude and free when I was sitting for the artists, naked and exposed when I viewed the end result.
Having your clothes off doesn’t make you naked, only other people can do that.
I was thinking about this yesterday when I passed a massive billboard of three girls in their undies. The girls were beaming from head to toe, all glistening brown skin, smooth and firm. I imagined an image of myself beaming along next to them, all white, runny flesh with corners and valleys and messiness.
Somehow I’ve become permanently naked in this world, so many of us have. Younger, thinner me felt worthy enough to disrobe in front of groups of people observing every little jiggle and sway. Older, fatter me doesn’t have to take her clothes off to inspected and rejected. We make a big deal when a woman ‘braves’ it all on the beach with her less-than-perfect figure, but secretly we are kinda just wishing she would cover up or leave. Imperfect bodies offend us deeply, even though we’ve probably got one of our own.
Scorn and jealousy collide when a fat chick shows off her body in a bikini. The scorn is the screeching sound of 10000 fit people being ‘concerned’ for her apparent lack of health when really they are judging her laziness and scornful that she somehow dares to be proud of something she hasn’t worked for. The jealousy is those exact same people wishing they didn’t give a shit either.
See, a fat chick is a political statement wearing a bikini. A skinny chick is just a girl.
Do you feel nude or naked?
Original article is published on Maxabella’s blog Maxabella Loves here.