Lifestyle, What's On Our Mind

This is the only time you can comment on someone else’s body

Shannon Kelly by Shannon Kelly
April 28th, 2015

This body-shaming bullshit is more revolting than unplugging a pube-ravaged shower drain.

Where are people’s fucking manners? Here is a simple guide on when to comment on someone else’s body and when not to:

TIMES IT IS OK TO COMMENT ON SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY:

– “Mate, you look as hot as fuck.” Yes.

– “Um, darling, that mole on your back has more colours than a bag of Skittles and has more turbulent borders than Korea, get yourself to a friggin’ doctor.” Yes.

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– “You have some spinach in your teeth, bruz,” (in discrete, hushed tones and a kindly manner). Yes.

– “You are glowing.” Yes.

TIMES IT IS NOT OK TO COMMENT ON SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY:

– “You are so fucking skinny, I just mistook you for a super-thin pizza crust.” No.

– “Oh my god, do you know what you look like in a bikini?! Save the whales, harpoon this ho’bag.” No.

– “Mate, you should not be wearing speedos, you look like you’ve got nothing but a jellybean and two Tic-Tacs in your trunks.” No.

– “Your head is too big for your body.” (Someone said this to me once. My head is kind of large, I mean, I was wearing adult helmets as a child. But still, not helpful). No.

– “You’re fat.” I mean, just no.

– “You’re uglier than a hat full of arseholes.” No

“Your monobrow is more outlandish than Maggie Simpson’s baby-enemy’s.” No.

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– “Oh my god she has so much fucking cellulite she looks like her thighs have spelled out ‘enter at own risk’ in braille!” No.

So, there we have a simple guide on not being a body-shaming fuck-knuckle in the online and offline social world.

Unless it involves hiding in the bushes and leaping out fully exposing oneself to small children, then flaunting one’s body is an individual decision. You friggin’ know I get my plump arse out on the beach covered only by an itsy-bitsy bottom, and I’m grinning like a freshlord-douchebag, having too much fun to care what anybody thinks.

Everyone has a varied opinion of what is beautiful, and thank fuck for that, otherwise there would be a whole lot of people with nowhere to go but their masturbatorium for some loving.

This piece was originally posted on ShannonsKitchen.com

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