We all expect that it’s our God given right to fall pregnant when we decide it’s time. We go off the pill, track our ovulation and bang! Baby appears, right? Actually, not for all of us. We spend our whole lives trying not to get pregnant and then when we are ready to start a family we assume it will just happen, in good time of course, but that usually means a few months. For so many women that is not the reality of trying to fall pregnant, and it certainly wasn’t for me either.
The process of trying for a baby can be all-consuming. You don’t know if you should book that holiday ‘in case you’re pregnant by then’, or if you should take that new job because you may only be there month before you have to reveal you’re up the duff and outta there. It can hang over your head.
When people know you’re trying for a baby the subject of fertility can be a super touchy and sensitive one. A quick off the cuff comment can be hurtful to someone on the other end of the rollercoaster. Mostly people are coming from a good place and mean well but, man, it doesn’t always come off that way. In fact, it’s probably best to take a chaperone to special events so you don’t harm anyone that tells you for the 896th time that night; ‘I’m sure once you stop thinking about it, it will happen’.
Nah, don’t think it works like that, I did skip a lot of sex ed classes but pretty sure you need to have sex on certain days to fall pregnant and if you’re going down the IVF path you’ll be praying that you didn’t have to think about it, but it doesn’t come with that luxury as you jab yourself a billion times a day.
If you have a friend or maybe even a family member…here are FIVE things we think you will benefit from NOT saying…
1. Relax and it will happen
Um, nope it won’t. All the relaxing in the world won’t help. If it were that easy, I for one, would have saved a lot of money on fertility and IVF specialists. Maybe someone could tell those bloody stubborn ovaries/eggs/ sperm to ‘relax’?
2. Maybe it’s not the right time
Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment.
3. You have plenty of time
If you’re young that may be true, but it’s only going to get harder as you get older.
4. Have you tired…?
Chances are, they have.
5. Try not to minimise the problem.
Saying things like; ‘enjoy the sleep-ins while you can’ and ‘you’re lucky you can still go see a movie when you want’ doesn’t soften the blow. They’d give anything for a baby to wake them from their sleep.
BUT there is a shit load you can say and do though. Be there for them, listen to them, encourage and support them. Ask them questions about what they are going through and the process of the treatments they are undertaking. Reach out to them when another of your friends announces they are pregnant. Remind them you’re in their corner.
We were lucky enough to have the gorgeous Bronwyn McCahon with us On the Couch recently and she talked to Monty about her struggle to fall pregnant. Watch the brave and honest chat here:
The very special Georgie Gardner also opened on on not being able to fall pregnant with her much-wanted third baby:
Mary Coustas underwent IVF to have her baby girl, she talks to Monty about her struggles here:
Have you struggled to fall pregnant? What helped you through this tough time?