Relationships, What's On Our Mind

If my partner did this, I would NOT take him back.

Melissa Imbesi by Melissa Imbesi
December 21st, 2015

I’ve always found it strange when people say (or sing, in Katy Perry’s case) that they love their partner “unconditionally.”

I don’t.

My husband is everything I have ever wanted in a partner, a lover, a best friend and father to our kids, but there are definitely conditions on our relationship. I think we both agree that the only people in our lives that we love overwhelmingly and absolutely unconditionally, are our children.

Like most people, our marriage isn’t perfect and we both certainly have our faults, but those faults are definitely not deal breakers. A deal breaker for us both though? Cheating. We both agree that that would be the thing that would end our marriage and therefore, there ARE conditions on our love.

I recently read about a Darwin man who discovered that his wife had been having an affair with the family doctor (who was also a family friend) and that the two children he believed to be his own were a result of that affair. I can’t really think of a much worse betrayal.

The man pressed charges against the doctor, who a couple of weeks ago was suspended from practicing for four months by the Northern Territory of Australia Health Professional Review Board.

The woman at the centre of the story, known as ‘Patient A’ said that she does not regret the affair. Speaking to the Tribunal, she said, “I do not regret my relationship with ****. He remains a close friend. I do not see the relationship we had as being that of doctor and patient. He was my friend before that relationship simply progressed.”

“It was a consensual relationship between two adults, without pressure of influence exerted on either side. Had I not been ****’s patient at all, the relationship would still have occurred in exactly the same way because of our friendship and time spent together…”

Her response is so fascinating to me, because she seems completely unapologetic and positive about the whole thing, which made me wonder what drives someone to cheat in the first place. Is it purely sexual, the excitement factor, being in a lonely or unaffectionate relationship or is it just feeling as though their needs aren’t being met by their partner – physically or emotionally?  The possibilities are endless and I’m sure vary greatly from one person to the next.

Couples who remain together following an infidelity and build their relationship back up, often better than where it was originally, fascinate me even more – probably because the idea feels  so completely opposite to my own unshakeable view.

Monogamy is certainly not for everyone, and while I understand and appreciate that we are all so different and absolutely in charge of making the decisions we feel are right for us, cheating remains my non-negotiable deal breaker. Which makes me wonder – what is YOUR deal breaker? Please share!