Relationships, What's On Our Mind

We’ve all heard of Bridezillas, but how about the WIFEZILLA??

Nat Cassidy by Nat Cassidy
May 8th, 2016

Forget Bridezilla, I have become WIFEZILLA

Wedded bliss, Honeymoon phase, the joy of being a newlywed – I’m calling bullshit on these notions!

Everyone has heard of/known/been a bridezilla. Whilst the lead up to my wedding was stressful and at times completely overwhelming, I wouldn’t say that I became bridezilla. My husband might disagree, but what would he know right?

The DIY decorations that seemed like a good idea after hours spent on Pinterest, the never ending “to do” lists, the guestlist, the seating chart, dear god the seating chart did my head in! The dietary requirements, the coordination of photographers, videographers, flower deliveries, etc. The never ending dollars flying out of bank accounts! And what did we get out of all the effort, stress, tears, time and money spent? A perfect day. That was both beautiful and memorable and one that I wish I could relive all over again! Even with the pre wedding stress!

And now, some 2 months after the big day things are very different than I imagined they would be. We honeymooned for a blissful 9 days in Bali and returned home to start our life in wedded bliss. To enjoy our honeymoon phase and frolic gaily through our days as newlyweds.

Unfortunately, my inner bitch did not get the memo.

For some reason, since returning to reality, I have been a cow to my husband. I have turned into Wifezilla and I don’t know why.

Everything is fine during the day at work, Husband messages me every morning with typically the same content “good morning, have a good day, and I love you”

The messages throughout the day are pleasant with discussions of work, and what are plans for the evening/weekend are. Then home time comes and it’s all downhill.

Within 10 minutes of arriving at home – I crack the shits with him about something. He’ll ask me a question, I bite his head off. It’s like I’m looking to pick a fight, or I just want to be annoyed with him.

"What do you MEAN how was my day?!"

“What do you MEAN how was my day?!”

My husband is a good man, who is mild mannered and does not have a bad temper. But he is also not a doormat and won’t put up with me treating him like crap. So he fires back. An argument ensues, I whine about just wanting to be loved and I eventually come to the realisation that I’m being irrational and say my sorries.

I am a highly strung person by nature. I stress, I worry, I over analyse, and I take EVERYTHING personally. Since we got married, this has all become worse. I am not the wife I wanted to be. I want to be his best friend, his ally, his partner and his happiness. And I’m not doing that. I’m treating him like crap, and he told me this last night. The guy who generally puts up with my moods and doesn’t express a lot of what he is feeling, told me last night after surprise surprise I was being a bitch! That I’m not treating him properly and he’s sick of it.

I’m concerned that I’m sabotaging things and that I am missing out on the honeymoon phase that I’ve heard so much about. Am I the only person who is having a hard time as a newlywed? Or is the other perspective true in this situation – is the first year of marriage the hardest?

Why is it, that we present our nicest, most lovely version of ourself, to people we aren’t that close to? We’re delightful to work colleagues, our in laws, and acquaintances, but our husbands/partners get the she wolf.

The Wifezilla in her natural habitat, 10 minutes after arriving home from work

The Wifezilla in her natural habitat, 10 minutes after arriving home from work

Is it because we know we can get away with it? Because we think they will love us regardless of how poorly we speak to them? Surely they will only put up with our bull for so long…

Being brutally honest with myself and realising that I’m causing hurt to my partner, is not only confronting but necessary. On the day of our wedding, I vowed to work at our marriage every day for the rest of our lives. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to make small changes to each day. I’m going to take a deep calming breath before I speak when I feel agitated, I’m going to remind myself that this man is the person I love and he deserves my utmost respect. I’m going to take control of my inner Wifezilla, and take things one day at a time. A Wifezilla is no easy bitch to tame, but I’m certainly going to try.

Do you relate to this? Do you often give the best version of yourself to people outside your home?